I just made out with a guy for $7.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
