'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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