I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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