I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
