Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
