Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
