my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
