um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
