Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Randomize
