He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
