Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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