im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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