Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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