It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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