i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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