Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
