You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
did i walk over a car last night?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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