The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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