i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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