I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
