I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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