If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
