Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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