Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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