eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
