walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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