You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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