i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
