I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
