Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
