Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We don't watch enough power rangers
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
