if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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