I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
