I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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