Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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