return my video game
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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