i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
