I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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