Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I booty called her while she was in labor.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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