So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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