What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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