Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
