I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
