My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
