remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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