I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
