All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
