RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
