apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
