Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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