grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
