I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
