you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
