My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
