he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
