dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
