i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
